I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
