i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
