It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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