Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
