So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
