there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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