They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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