The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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