no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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