We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
