I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
