like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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