Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
