Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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