what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
