Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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