mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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