they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
