Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
