I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
