And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
