Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
