TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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