Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
