also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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