So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
