I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
