i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
