New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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