are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
