We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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