I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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