Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
