He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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