Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
