enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
