Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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