Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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