Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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