If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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