just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
