we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
