I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
