new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
