I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
