and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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