Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
