Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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