i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
