I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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