Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
