You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
